If you want to be happy, just be.

12 10 2011

Ten things you probably don’t need to know about my life.
Oh, and welcome back to wordpress december1219.

1.) I’m never getting married.

Okay, so that may be a bold faced lie.  But at least when I say it, your first impression is correct:  I don’t get caught up in the fairytale.  I refuse to be that twenty something girl, sobbing uncontrollably over every failed first date, bawling into my pillow about how if I’m not married in five years I’m just going to give up or worse, marry the next man willing & MAKE myself  “happy.”  Um, no.  That’s not how life works.  Flings are meant to not only happen, but to be just that:  flings.  That person only had a little to teach you, and needed little time to do it.  So you let it go and maybe something better comes along.  Maybe it doesn’t.  Regardless of the situation, we are where we’re meant to be.  If I’m still single in ten years, I can take comfort in knowing that that is exactly what’s supposed to happen.  That I haven’t let myself settle, or fallen into the trap of being with someone just to not be alone.  There’s no such thing as “the one that got away,” only the lessons learned in your mourning.  And if I wake up in the morning to a ring from my Prince Charming, then I guess that day will come sooner than expected.  Regardless, the first impression of that statement is the one I want to last:  I’m not sitting around, popping M&Ms like vicodin, watching Disney movies all dreamy eyed with a vice grip on ridiculous relationship expectations.  I’m simply watching those movies for my love of all things Disney.

2.) My summer was RIDICULOUS.

Like ridiculous ridiculous.  Like amazing ridiculous.  But isn’t your 21st summer supposed to be?

3.) You can never own too many sweatshirts.

A few months ago, I moved into what I thought was going to be a super temporary situation.  I was going to be moved out again by October 1st at the latest, and even THAT seemed so far away.  So when I packed up and shipped out, all but three of my thirty something sweatshirts were moved into my new home.  And yet here we are, first week of October, moving day nowhere in sight, and I’m buying new sweatshirts so as to not be freezing my bum off. So the next time you look at the inordinate amount of sweat-anything in your closet and think “This is too much…”  No, no it is not.  You bite your tongue and for the love of God do NOT give any of them away.

4.)  You can also never own too many pairs of heels.

The last time I dated a guy, we were together for about two and a half years.  There wasn’t much of a height difference between us, but suffice it to say I had upwards of an inch and a half on the man.  Now it obviously wasn’t an issue if I spent that much time with him, but… the number of heels I’ve bought in the last five years?  One.  A pair for prom.  I’ve owned a lot of ballet flats, mocs, flips & chucks, but I wasn’t exactly into the idea of towering over my not-so-lofty partner.

Aaaaand then we broke up.  And I started going on dates.  And going out for girl’s nights.   And do you know what I’ve noticed?  I make tall friends, and not one of those dates had less than 4″ on me.  Now I’m not doing this on purpose, I swear… I’m not heightist!  It’s just the guys who were cool enough to “hang with.”  And after a few of those dates, I started noticing that though I’m not a particularily small person, I felt miniscule.  Not always a bad thing, but from time to time I do get tired of craning for kisses & conversations.  So I invested in pumps.  And wedges.  And boots.  And I’ve never looked up… *ahem* back.

5.) I’m homeless.

Yup yup.  It’s a long story.  I don’t really want to tell it.  Let’s just say… I need to pick better roomies.

6.) I’M STILL SINGLE.

Yay me!  But seriously.  Still single.  Still exploring.  Still holding onto my high standards.  Still loving life.  And still not accepting anything less than I deserve.

7.) I have red hair.

Kind of.  When I went dark for the colder weather, I added some red.  I’m not quite a ginger, but I still love it.

8.) I’m dating… everyone.*

As per number four, and number six, I’m single and having fun with it.  Gone on dates.  Had flings.  Did pseudo break ups.  Done the awkward weeks later run in & avoidance.  I relished in it all… all summer.  But the buzz is winding down, and I’m settling back into.. well, being a normal person.  * And I met someone?  Kind of.  Kind of met, not kind of someone.  I don’t know.  It’s exciting.  And also kind of drives me crazy.  Not exactly sure how I feel about this, or about saying it “out loud,” but… I think I like a boy.

9.) I am not my own soap opera.

A reality TV show, maybe.  But not a soap opera.  I mentioned in a post a few months that “I am my own soap opera,” and I obviously felt that way at the time.  But when we’ve initiated a messy break up, don’t we all kind of feel that way?  I’d rather think of myself as the right balance of ‘cool enough to hang out with’ and ‘super really weird & dorky, actually makes me feel normal‘.  Like someone you might actually enjoy talking to.  The kind of girl to have her own sitcom?  Yeah, and come this spring we could call it “Work, School & No Sleep: Living Every 22 year old’s Dream.”

10.) I’m still throwing Seven Different Kinds of Smoke.

And if you don’t know what movie that’s from, you should probably crawl out from under that rock and order HBO.  Seriously though, I’m still rockin’ my Decemberness, just doin’ me.  I lost sight of everything for a little while… but that moment was fleeting.  Now it’s back to Buzz.

Never give up, never surrender.





Forever 21

9 10 2011

I’m standing on this ledge
on the edge
arms stretched out wide, waiting
inhale
aniticipate the touch
the feel
the warmth
the buzz is constant, washing over me
waiting for the universe to hand me my destiny
I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life
to feel the spirit
this freedom
I am untouchable
I know this will come to an end
but not today

not today





“The winds of change continue blowing and they just carry me away”

6 10 2011

HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE!  Before we put some drums in it, you should just know… this post is old! And by ‘old’ I mean oldddd. Written, saved, never edited and therefore never posted… from MAY. May 27, 2011 to be exact, So before I publish my ‘oh hello, old friend’ piece, I figure you should maybe read this first. You know, to get an idea of where my head was at before the most ridiculous summer of my life.
v
v
v

Life has been ‘a changin’ ’round here lately. Ha, but seriously. Over the past few weeks it seems as though my life has taken a 180° turn, and I’m quite excited with my new direction.

First things first, I’M SINGLE! If you’ve been keeping up with my online life you probably already know that, but I just felt obligated to be annoyingly redundant (ahem: SINGLE SINGLE SINGLE teehee). It wasn’t as smooth of a transition as I would have liked, but I’m pretty happy with the end result. For the first time in my life I’m really happy to just have myself.. well, to myself.

And with all of my new found free time, I’ve had the time to spare to pursue longtime interests, like dabbling in jewelry making. To make a long story short, as I’m sure you can fill in the blanks, I’ve started my own business!  Kind of.  Not really.  Only sort of. 😉 I have created my own brand, AveryJayde, and I’ve started a shop on the wonderful Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/shop/averyjayde. I won’t go into any more detail now, but keep an eye out for an upcoming Things I Love. 🙂

So I’ve been talking about going back to school for a minute now, and though the desire is there the funds really aren’t. But like I said, those ‘winds of change are blowing’ and they’re blowing me in a fabulous direction. Maybe I hadn’t figured out how to be a grown up until sometime of late, hadn’t had a good enough job, or just didn’t know how to properly spend my cash… either way, I’ve got my head on right this time. I’m about 80% certain I know what I want to go for eventually, but I’m not starting there. The field I’m currently examining is medical in nature, but I’ve never technically worked in anything medical. The closest I’ve come is helping my mom out as a teen at the Assisted Living residence she oversaw. So before I get myself in over my head, I’d like to start with my CNA. The course only costs a couple hundred, and I can complete it in a matter of weeks. I’ll have more flexibility with my hours while I go to school (I only serve/bartend two meals [lunch and dinner], with my CNA I could work 24/7). Furthermore, this program is smaller but still popular, and any school will surely have a waitlist.  While I’m “waiting” and working as a CNA, if I decide I don’t want to work in healthcare anymore then I can simply switch my major without having wasted thousands of dollars on a degree I’ll never use. 🙂

I’M MOVING! As I’m in a rental, that should be quite obvious. (ahem.. I live in a college town, on campus, in a rental unit… you know the drill.) And as of right now, I’m stuck here in Madison for a minute. As mentioned earlier, I would like to begin my school career with my CNA, which I can take here in Madison. But after that semester, where to? There is one school in Wisconsin which offers the program, and I’m quite blessed to have it be so close as Janesville. But! I want to move. Away. Far away. Preferably somewhere warm, but I don’t have a particular picture in mind just yet. You could say things like “Are you crazy?,” and “What about in-state tuition!” I know, I know. But I’ve been feeling the irresistible itch to get up and go, to start living my life, for quite some time now. When is the right time? How long should I sit around and wait for my life to begin? The truth is…. I have aboslutey no idea. So, using logic to quell my fears about a life that I “should be living,” I figure I’ve got the first leg of my plan figured out (pay off school, stay in Madison, get my CNA), and in the mean time, I’ll just keep researching. Make a list of schools with my major that I’m interested in, do some more research, narrow the list down, do some more research, narrow the list down a little more, and when the it’s finally at a reasonable length, apply to each of those schools. I figure it will help me make the ultimate decision when I know where I’ve been accepted, rejected, wait listed, etc. One of those situations where I have to “Let Go and Let God,” if you know what I mean.

I haven’t been writing much lately, and it’s nice to have gotten it all out! Everything else in my life – my work, my family, my puppers – everything is good. Life is pretty good. 🙂