There’s no one behind that shower curtain… I checked.

13 08 2010

When we’re little, we are all afraid of the dark. The monsters under your bed and in the closet, or the zombie hand that’s going to grab your ankles if you don’t take a flying leap from your light switch. Back when mom made all the bad things go away, double checked the closet and your nightlight, and tucked you in nice and tight before letting you drift off to a bedtime story. Back to what seems like a hundred years ago, it was more than okay to be afraid of the dark. Pretty common, actually, and almost standard procedure for anyone under the age of eight.

But what happens when you grow up? Is the left, more logical side of your brain supposed to fully take over? Tell you that no, in fact, there are no monsters or zombies under your bed, and that nothing is going to jump out from your closet as soon as your head hits the pillow? Not entirely, but we are expected to grow up at least a little… and yet something out there still scares us. Still makes us uneasy. And sometimes, even still lets us take that flying leap. Me, myself, and the “all growed up” I are more than willing to admit that I am afraid of the dark, and not just because my subconscious thinks there is a burglar around every darkened corner. It’s because of one of my basic human instincts: to fear what is the unknown.

Laying in bed at my new apartment, I hear a sound coming from my living room. I immediately grab my pepper spray and creep out to investigate (every light within reach turned on as I go), only to find that it’s just my new water heater. On my first day of college, I nearly miss my first class because I can’t find it, and I’m too scared to talk to someone and risk looking like an idiot. In a relationship, on the brink of it turning into something a little too serious for me, I bail; no matter how badly I thought I wanted ‘the ring’, and how BEAUTIFUL it would have been on my hand, my subconscious is, slightly over dramatically, scared to death of waking up one day with a husband, a house, a family, and a gut wrenching feeling of “what the hell happened?”

As I sit here this morning (technically), I am scared sh*tless to do anything with my life. What if the choice I make is the wrong one? What if it’s something I look back on in ten years, thinking what have I done? And what if I realize too late that I was just sitting here, wasting my time, when I should have just made the damn choice and continued living my life? And that’s when I give my self a slap in the face. Well, an emotional one, at least. I can’t sit here worrying about living my life when I need to just go out and live it. Sure, I may do some stupid things now and again. Laugh a little, cry a little. But I can’t keep letting the worries hold me back. I can’t let the fear of life keep me from living it. I have to “never let the fear of striking out keep [me] from playing the game.” And so I stand here today, proudly admitting that I am afraid of the dark. I am absolutely afraid of the unknown. I’m afraid of not only who I am, but who I’m going to be. And I may be scared to death of tomorrow, but I’m still going to enjoy today.

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It’s that time of year again.

6 08 2010


This past week and a half has been jam packed full of car loads, twenty minute trips, and lots and lots of attempts at organizing, cleaning, more organizing, and even MORE cleaning! We all know the only phenomenon that involves all of these activities… moving. From 6 to 6 (Unit 6 to #6) has been the main and final goal, and as of today, we are approximately 80% of the way there. Minus a few bumps in the road, including a roomie that just won’t leave (even though the lease was up last Saturday!) and a disastrous carpet situation, we are basically all set up in our neeeeew place! Very exciting. Here are a few pictures of the chaos and process of settling in;  enjoy.

We lost a mattress. He brought it back.

Shiloh enjoying the ride.

An upturned couch in the hallway, with girl dog taking advantage of a comfy napping spot. (she's hiding behind the armrest)

Two book shelves, a dresser, and a full suitcase... among countless other severly disorganized items.

Wow! Is that what I think it it? The beginnings of... a living room??

Oh, goodness... I think it is!

Andy's Wisconsin display (cheese head, graduation cap, UW Madison diploma case)

The collage on my living room wall. I have a funny feeling that this will forever be a work in progress.

There you go.  I hope you have enjoyed this window into my life.  I will post more when there is once again more to say. 🙂  Until then, happy browsings.

December